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The Tragedy of Leonard Fisk
(Based on 2 ratings)
Category: Stage Play
Genres: Comedy, Drama
Created 1 year, 5 months ago
Edited 1 year, 1 month ago
Revision: 1904
Views: 10
Comments: 8

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Comments
Originator found this helpful.
Kacey K. Spadafora (Sent 1 year, 4 months ago)
21 pages! Check you out!
Originator found this helpful.
Kacey K. Spadafora (Sent 1 year, 4 months ago)
How about some real feedback now, Kacey? Why sure, Alex!

I really enjoy your new scene, it doesn't give away what Vellone is doing with the "trial run" of Leonard's skills, yet from a knowing standpoint I can see the subtleness of his words and I can sense the clues that you're trying to feed the audience, but they don't seem forced at all.

Once again, I wish I had your skill for dialogue. Everything flows nicely, and there are only a few lines here and there that I feel are a bit awkward, but can easily be fixed. The chorus is ESPECIALLY effective at the last bit of the scene. Excellent wording and use of chiasmus, and you may be able to work that out to where the voices reflect something similar. That probably makes no sense, and isn't important anyway.
ORIGINATOR
Alex Ungerman (Sent 1 year, 4 months ago)
Thanks for the feedback, I was a little bummed that we didn't get to my script in class--I really could have used the reading to get a sense for polishing. I'll be interested to hear on Monday where you think the rough patches are--it definitely needs some refining, but I'm glad to hear that you liked it. Thanks!
Originator found this helpful.
Kacey K. Spadafora (Sent 1 year, 4 months ago)
Interesting mechanics, superb dialogue, and excellent character development.
  • (5/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
Hyrum M. Allred (Sent 1 year, 4 months ago)
I love it. It's coming along really nicely Alex :) Your doing an amazing job of it.
Originator found this helpful.
Carson McFarland (Sent 1 year, 4 months ago)
Ooh what happens next?! Alex, did I ever tell you that my dad is an artist? This last conversation with Gwen and Leonard at the show sort of reminds me of my mom and dad's relationship with his art...if that makes sense. I think you captured that part beautifully--especially when Gwen talks about being able to sense how he came up with the painting/what he was feeling when he painted it. Your words are very real. I'm excited to see what happens with this story!
Originator found this helpful.
Richard Ethan Williams (Sent 1 year, 3 months ago)
I loved it! I am in love with it. i think i will propose to it tomorrow
  • (5/5 stars)
Originator found this helpful.
Richard Ethan Williams (Sent 1 year, 3 months ago)
seriously Alex. I am completely speechless. I'm gonna re-group my thoughts and tell you what I thought a little later.